‘People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.’
It’s true, society has led us to believe that a soul mate is one being. He or she is the one that we are supposed to be romantically engaged with, who we will spend our forever with, who we were put on this earth to connect with. But that’s just not true. We will have many soul mates throughout our lifetime, each bringing a new lesson to help us grow.
Soul mates present themselves in many different forms; as lovers, friends, even strangers. You will know when somebody comes into your life who is that little bit different, out of the ordinary shall we say. When they bring this spark into your life and you become fascinated and intrigued by them. You may strike up a whirlwind romance, instantly have a new best friend or become incredibly moved by a stranger.
Thinking back to the first time I fell in love, I felt like I was on top of the world. I believed with my whole being that I had found somebody who adored me, who would stand by me no matter what and who would never inflict pain or betray my trust. I felt that they were the missing piece to my puzzle, there to fill a void, a void may I state that never existed, yet nevertheless the other half of me that I needed to feel complete. But just as the Universe had intended, the cracks began to show, and the real tests appeared. Love soon turned to hate, trust into distrust, truth to lies, monogamy to infidelity and so forth. You become so tired of fighting, hurting and crying that you realise you are only causing one another pain. You have brought to light the worst traits in your partner and they have done the same for you. When somebody has the ability to bring out the worst, tear you to pieces until you are laid bare and have nothing left to give, that is when you accept the lesson and move on. You find the strength deep within you, buried underneath the pain and heartache, to leave and rebuild yourself as an individual. You start to realise the importance of loving yourself first and you learn to forgive that person and become grateful for the lessons they have taught you.
It is the same for friendships. I have had many short term intense friendships that were a whirlwind of excitement. You become infatuated by that person, you want to spend every day with them, sharing your deepest darkest secrets. It is almost like a romantic relationship just without the intimacy. You become inseparable, addicted to one another’s presence and you feel as if your life is suddenly better now you have them in it. But sometimes these friendships have to come to an end to leave space for personal growth. It can all turn sour very quickly, that once positive influence soon turns negative and you know that you have to cut all ties. You see changes in yourself that do not align with who you truly are, you become a stranger almost, and you lose sight of who you want to be. I discovered more about who I am and who I am not, learnt to put my ego and false sense of self aside and to work on my own needs selfishly as an individual.
Sometimes you have soul mates that you know are going to be by your side throughout your life on Earth. My nearest and dearest best friend of ten years is the truest of soul mates that I am blessed to have. She has taught me more about myself in the most positive of ways than I could ever comprehend. I believe we bring out the best in each other, help each one another to grow and are always by one’s side when life gets a little tough. She is somebody who I have never felt judged, betrayed or hurt by, but rather wholeheartedly accepted for who I am. And those lessons continue everyday, we encourage one another to better ourselves, offer a shoulder to cry on and lend a hand when cleaning up any mess that life has left for us.
For most, soul mates are found in family members too. Whether you have established good relationships with your siblings, parents, distant relatives or not, they will undertake the role of your soul mate at one stage in your life. In terms of immediate family, many of us are never free from lessons that help us to grow. When you become irritated, upset or angry by another’s actions or words, it is only acting as a mirror for an issue that you need to address. The same arguments or battles will occur until something changes within you and the lesson you need to learn is accepted so that you can move forward. Family teach us to become patient, understanding, kind and ultimately the importance of unconditional love.
It is only through these encounters with our soul mates that we can continue to grow throughout each future relationship, romantic or not. Each partner is there to teach you something about yourself. I have learnt too many lessons to list, but ultimately, staying true to yourself is the most important. Having felt belittled, unworthy and not good enough in the past, I chose to take time for myself to work on discovering who I am and what I want to become. Without becoming my own best friend, I would never have forgiven my past and truly accepted what each experience had intended to teach me. I would never have grown into a person that I am happy to be today nor have become so accepting of my strengths and flaws. Nor would I have found myself in the most nourishing of romantic relationships with a partner who mirrors all of my best qualities. We help each other to grow as individuals, sharing a pathway together, coexisting in a healthy way where we do not depend on one another for happiness. We communicate when things are a little rough, are honest and open about our emotions and trust that where we are in the present is where we are supposed to be. He has taught me kindness, patience and most of all to keep loving myself for exactly who I am.