Not so long ago, you would have caught me saying ‘I am terrified of dying’. Terrified of losing others. Wondering when my luck will truly run out and I will be faced with life threatening and life changing consequences. I’d often find myself asking a lot of questions: What if I never find true happiness? what if I never settle down and have children? what if I never make a living from doing what I love most? What if I never achieve what I set out to achieve? What if, at my funeral, I don’t have a unique and beautiful story to leave behind that can inspire and move others? What if nobody remembers me?
So many what ifs. All of which are utterly pointless. We are constantly striving to be something more, feel something more, do something more. When actually, who we are at this present moment is enough. What we have right now is enough. And I am not talking about possessions, wealth or external happiness. I am talking about what we already possess inside of us.
I truly believed that following the pathway set out for us would equal happiness. I was brainwashed to believe that going to school, going to University, getting a well-paid job, finding a partner, getting married, having children, settling down and so forth would bring joy. Now I question any of it at all. Does any of it even matter? Does following the norm like robots really bring anyone any joy? Does striving for external beauty make us feel better inside? Does competing with everything and everyone around us make us better people? Does verbally attacking others for the way they look, the colour of their skin, their gender, sexuality or way of life do anything more than boost our ego and damage our souls?
How is it that we have learnt to live in and accept a world fueled by conflict, discrimination and hatred. How, as human beings, have we lost touch with our inner selves to the point of self destruction and inflicting this hurt on others. How, when watching the news and witnessing murder on a mass scale has this become ‘normal’? How does society believe that focusing on the negative and fatal behaviour from unconscious individuals is going to create a better outcome? We look up to individuals who brainwash us into believing that without murder and conflict, the world cannot become a better place. They couldn’t be further from the truth.
I, just like millions of others who walk this earth day by day, had become so wrapped up in unconscious thinking and my own ego to not realise that happiness can only be found within. No external factors can create true happiness. Temporal happiness yes. That holiday in a months time isn’t going to suddenly bring happiness into your life, your new job won’t either. Finding a partner will not complete you. Feeling complete is already there, at peace, waiting to be recognised and acknowledged.
‘The Ego depends on Separateness to survive. When you see and feel that everything is One, your ego cannot win’
If you decease to derive your identity from your mind-made form then you will begin to see that Death is just an illusion. The end of illusion – that is all that death is.
Nothing that is real, is ever lost.